Fear
the darkness
of the world
is staring me in the face
today
we are shaking hands
and
pretending
we haven't met before
when
really
we
are
well acquainted
we are so close
we have this
nauseating intimacy
we are trying to stave off
our glances are fleeting
but time moves
so slowly
when our
eyes
cross
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Times
Times
in life a struggle
Light of life shines through
Door is always opened
Peace will beckon you
Feel the soothing beauty
Of love that's waiting there
For just one fleeting moment
Your spirit fills the air
Things that overwhelm you
They seem to pass away
Close your eyes and welcome
Love that comes your way
Times in life to gather
Times in life to share
Reaching for each other
Love is waiting there
Peace be with you daily
Love in softest glow
This your tender moment
Let your heart just flow.
in life a struggle
Light of life shines through
Door is always opened
Peace will beckon you
Feel the soothing beauty
Of love that's waiting there
For just one fleeting moment
Your spirit fills the air
Things that overwhelm you
They seem to pass away
Close your eyes and welcome
Love that comes your way
Times in life to gather
Times in life to share
Reaching for each other
Love is waiting there
Peace be with you daily
Love in softest glow
This your tender moment
Let your heart just flow.
Silent No More
by Laura W. Sparrowhawke, copyright 1998
No longer can I keep silent. The pain that I went through Has too important a message That I must share with you. My life was stolen, Right before my own eyes. But it was done so gradually That I could only see their lies.
The people I thought I'd loved, With whom I'd promised to live my life out, Was the greatest threat to me, I now see that without a doubt.
At first came their lies and false promises, And slowly the negativity began to overwhelm, Turning my inner grace into a harassing monster, And shifting our time to another realm.
Fear replaced crazed one night long ago, The night was first hurt physically. Shock and pain hit me suddenly While my knees turned instantly to jelly.
My bed that night was a bathtub; Not to relax in, but to wash away pain, I tried with all the strength in my being To visualize it going down the drain.
But attempted rape by your spouse, And earlier that day an attack of shoving, Will replace life's basic joy, And wipe out years of loving.
But I believed their promises, her shock and her word, "It'll never happen again." Is what I heard...
It was good for a long time, Nearly a year as I look back. But "good" in this sense overlooks much — Including any non-physical attack.
My spirit and soul however, Weren't faring very well, Every fiber of my being was crying out; My spirit sounding a death knell.
Emotional abuse is still hard to define, But it was filling my life more each day, Until by the end of the line I knew how to live no other way.
So since I still can't say what was Particularly abusive in what he did; What ruined my soul's intensity, With non-physical violence as I hid...
Let me at least say this, So you will understand: He did it so well that I followed His every unreasonable demand...
Trying to keep the peace, So as to be safe from harm. Trying just to survive, Not hearing my internal alarm.
I gave up myself to the point where Even in the midst of imminent danger I didn't feel fear, panic, or pain... As if it were happening to a stranger.
Almost like I didn't have enough of myself Left anymore to realize a right to live. He had taken over every bit of my soul, The real danger came when I had no more to give.
When he'd grasp me by the front of the throat But tell me that he wouldn't choke, I relaxed — my self-preservation gone... I guess I'd lost some with every poke.
Poking, pinching, squeezing tight... I did tell him those touches hurt; But he wouldn't see the line 'tween pleasure and pain, And neither could I; I'd lost my power to assert.
When he'd try to rape me No longer did I fight back. I'd tell him "no" and struggle, But didn't successfully avoid his attack.
I didn't have enough self-esteem To even preserve the little I had left By physically defending myself against him, Instead I'd let myself become totally bereft.
Suffering in agonizing, soul-denying pain, Feeling no right to even grieve, After my life had become so difficult. It was hard to face, impossible to believe.
But I did and do have a right To feel my feelings, yet avoid pain and fear, No matter how much he says he loved me, No matter that I didn't dare shed a tear.
I was lost from the world. But what was even worse, Was to live lost from myself... That was truly the curse.
That's the place that emotional abuse creates. There's nothing left worth protecting, you believe. Because it's gotten so bad that you no longer exist, Nothing to take with you as you finally leave...
When someone holds up a mirror And you barely see yourself there, Again you see the truth and prepare to run As if suddenly frightened by a bear.
Something deep within yourself Forces you to quickly react. You take a chance to look again, And find yourself in fact.
Starting over with no dreams, with nothing, Is terrifying when you again feel. But it's not worth losing yourself And your newfnew foundse of life's zeal.
Fear and panic are initially intense, But you did whatever you could. And you won't have a chance to hate yourself When you're just glad to rejoin the world.
Gradually peace and harmony Again stabilize as part of your life. And you can begin to feel pride in yourself, And your choices when living without strife.
I smile now as I begin, Each morning a brand new day. I feel so like a child Who's just been let out to play.
Now every day is mine To do with what I will. Even if it's just to sit in peace, And listen to the call of a whipporwill.<>
But most days are more active As I revel in my new found freedom. Stepping out of isolation to seek A sense of pride — knowing my time will come...
It's worth the struggle to leave. Please, in that you must believe! You'll need time and space to grieve, But it's time: a new life to weave...
No longer can I keep silent. The pain that I went through Has too important a message That I must share with you. My life was stolen, Right before my own eyes. But it was done so gradually That I could only see their lies.
The people I thought I'd loved, With whom I'd promised to live my life out, Was the greatest threat to me, I now see that without a doubt.
At first came their lies and false promises, And slowly the negativity began to overwhelm, Turning my inner grace into a harassing monster, And shifting our time to another realm.
Fear replaced crazed one night long ago, The night was first hurt physically. Shock and pain hit me suddenly While my knees turned instantly to jelly.
My bed that night was a bathtub; Not to relax in, but to wash away pain, I tried with all the strength in my being To visualize it going down the drain.
But attempted rape by your spouse, And earlier that day an attack of shoving, Will replace life's basic joy, And wipe out years of loving.
But I believed their promises, her shock and her word, "It'll never happen again." Is what I heard...
It was good for a long time, Nearly a year as I look back. But "good" in this sense overlooks much — Including any non-physical attack.
My spirit and soul however, Weren't faring very well, Every fiber of my being was crying out; My spirit sounding a death knell.
Emotional abuse is still hard to define, But it was filling my life more each day, Until by the end of the line I knew how to live no other way.
So since I still can't say what was Particularly abusive in what he did; What ruined my soul's intensity, With non-physical violence as I hid...
Let me at least say this, So you will understand: He did it so well that I followed His every unreasonable demand...
Trying to keep the peace, So as to be safe from harm. Trying just to survive, Not hearing my internal alarm.
I gave up myself to the point where Even in the midst of imminent danger I didn't feel fear, panic, or pain... As if it were happening to a stranger.
Almost like I didn't have enough of myself Left anymore to realize a right to live. He had taken over every bit of my soul, The real danger came when I had no more to give.
When he'd grasp me by the front of the throat But tell me that he wouldn't choke, I relaxed — my self-preservation gone... I guess I'd lost some with every poke.
Poking, pinching, squeezing tight... I did tell him those touches hurt; But he wouldn't see the line 'tween pleasure and pain, And neither could I; I'd lost my power to assert.
When he'd try to rape me No longer did I fight back. I'd tell him "no" and struggle, But didn't successfully avoid his attack.
I didn't have enough self-esteem To even preserve the little I had left By physically defending myself against him, Instead I'd let myself become totally bereft.
Suffering in agonizing, soul-denying pain, Feeling no right to even grieve, After my life had become so difficult. It was hard to face, impossible to believe.
But I did and do have a right To feel my feelings, yet avoid pain and fear, No matter how much he says he loved me, No matter that I didn't dare shed a tear.
I was lost from the world. But what was even worse, Was to live lost from myself... That was truly the curse.
That's the place that emotional abuse creates. There's nothing left worth protecting, you believe. Because it's gotten so bad that you no longer exist, Nothing to take with you as you finally leave...
When someone holds up a mirror And you barely see yourself there, Again you see the truth and prepare to run As if suddenly frightened by a bear.
Something deep within yourself Forces you to quickly react. You take a chance to look again, And find yourself in fact.
Starting over with no dreams, with nothing, Is terrifying when you again feel. But it's not worth losing yourself And your newfnew foundse of life's zeal.
Fear and panic are initially intense, But you did whatever you could. And you won't have a chance to hate yourself When you're just glad to rejoin the world.
Gradually peace and harmony Again stabilize as part of your life. And you can begin to feel pride in yourself, And your choices when living without strife.
I smile now as I begin, Each morning a brand new day. I feel so like a child Who's just been let out to play.
Now every day is mine To do with what I will. Even if it's just to sit in peace, And listen to the call of a whipporwill.
But most days are more active As I revel in my new found freedom. Stepping out of isolation to seek A sense of pride — knowing my time will come...
It's worth the struggle to leave. Please, in that you must believe! You'll need time and space to grieve, But it's time: a new life to weave...
Killing The Inside
Of the third round,
When I received phone call,
I knew the sound of the tone of the man's voice
My insists told me,
To let go of the past I should apologize
what has happened
When I had hung up the phone,
I never heard from him again,
I cried I cried I cried
My mind just started becoming blank froze,
I thought of the past
What will I ever do I prayed to God, I prayed,
he will not forgive for my appectance
I forgiven my past long ago
I never remembered the last time
I had a serious laugh
I smiled thought my pain
I smiled of a face of a liar
I smiled because it showed joy of happiness
I smiled because I didn't want other's to know how I felt
All of these years I have hidden my pain,
hunger for love
Now I have nothing to give
I have no high expectation
for what is worth, of being existence to other people
I know I'm invisible,
I'm exhaust from dealing with my problems, and making things right for me,
I have come to terms that all is left is feeling guilt, and Nausea
Yesterday, I couldn't get out of the house. It had snowed 3 inches,
I had no way out of the house, which I can not drive.
You see, I'm stuck
Inside of a dark girl's body
I can't control
As I lay down and cry
I can't lift myself up again
I'm exhaust of life, in process
No One see what I can see
this just may
Never fade
Unless just give me more drugs which will just kill the person who is actual inside of me,
You kill my insist
You kill my true self
You kill who I truly am
Why would anyone want to kill the person who they really are
No magic pill is going to stop me
No you can't stop of who the real person which is inside of me
Now you must learn who you truly are,
Listen!!! To your soul
Listen! To your Heart,
When I received phone call,
I knew the sound of the tone of the man's voice
My insists told me,
To let go of the past I should apologize
what has happened
When I had hung up the phone,
I never heard from him again,
I cried I cried I cried
My mind just started becoming blank froze,
I thought of the past
What will I ever do I prayed to God, I prayed,
he will not forgive for my appectance
I forgiven my past long ago
I never remembered the last time
I had a serious laugh
I smiled thought my pain
I smiled of a face of a liar
I smiled because it showed joy of happiness
I smiled because I didn't want other's to know how I felt
All of these years I have hidden my pain,
hunger for love
Now I have nothing to give
I have no high expectation
for what is worth, of being existence to other people
I know I'm invisible,
I'm exhaust from dealing with my problems, and making things right for me,
I have come to terms that all is left is feeling guilt, and Nausea
Yesterday, I couldn't get out of the house. It had snowed 3 inches,
I had no way out of the house, which I can not drive.
You see, I'm stuck
Inside of a dark girl's body
I can't control
As I lay down and cry
I can't lift myself up again
I'm exhaust of life, in process
No One see what I can see
this just may
Never fade
Unless just give me more drugs which will just kill the person who is actual inside of me,
You kill my insist
You kill my true self
You kill who I truly am
Why would anyone want to kill the person who they really are
No magic pill is going to stop me
No you can't stop of who the real person which is inside of me
Now you must learn who you truly are,
Listen!!! To your soul
Listen! To your Heart,
Control
Brain Washed
No Expression on her face
Her body seems dead but a silent scream echoes throws her head
she living in a world of someone else's
makes believe and when reality calls back she doesn't want to leave
she thinks if she ignores them her problem will fade
and when she goes to the stars it seems they've gone away
but when she comes back down her problems reoccur and inside she screams for help
but there's nobody to hear
she's there on her own her world is false and cold beneath the silent presence
she's ready to explode she breaks down inside
but the tears run from her eyes
she stands there staring blankly inside
she starts to die tragic screams of torture are recorded in her brain playing day by day
her mind goes insane her thoughts and beliefs she lost and can not find her way back to reality she's living by a copy of her disillusioned mind a million worlds apart
she know as nothing will change its feels it will stay this forever
love will still be hate truth will still be lies alive
she'll stay while every day another soul will die
all she really needed was someone who could kiss away the suffering and
show her how to be herself and be human
she said she would protect her the promise is false the lies will never fade instead she took control over her life
No Expression on her face
Her body seems dead but a silent scream echoes throws her head
she living in a world of someone else's
makes believe and when reality calls back she doesn't want to leave
she thinks if she ignores them her problem will fade
and when she goes to the stars it seems they've gone away
but when she comes back down her problems reoccur and inside she screams for help
but there's nobody to hear
she's there on her own her world is false and cold beneath the silent presence
she's ready to explode she breaks down inside
but the tears run from her eyes
she stands there staring blankly inside
she starts to die tragic screams of torture are recorded in her brain playing day by day
her mind goes insane her thoughts and beliefs she lost and can not find her way back to reality she's living by a copy of her disillusioned mind a million worlds apart
she know as nothing will change its feels it will stay this forever
love will still be hate truth will still be lies alive
she'll stay while every day another soul will die
all she really needed was someone who could kiss away the suffering and
show her how to be herself and be human
she said she would protect her the promise is false the lies will never fade instead she took control over her life
Wonder
Sun comes out all is bright moon fade goodbye sweet night in this world of hate in war. Why must the war still keep score?
And I wounder why?
And I started to cry
And I wanted to fly
I am all alone
In the air I hear the flight peace is far and out of sight take the key unlock the doors millions dead, how much more?
And I wounder why?
And I started to cry
And I wanted to fly but I am lost
Look around the battleground all is quite not a sound run away in disgust
why is death always a must?
stop and turn for one last look
how I tremble and I shook hand comes down to comfort me who can this person be?
And I wounder why?
And I started to cry
And I wanted to fly and now I am found
Spin to see another face looks to be from a far off place
I don't know if me he'll kill what can be this man's will? he takes me to a peaceful land for across the burning sand now with joy my heart is full
And I wounder why?
And I no longer cry
And I can now fly with my new wings
And I wounder why?
And I started to cry
And I wanted to fly
I am all alone
In the air I hear the flight peace is far and out of sight take the key unlock the doors millions dead, how much more?
And I wounder why?
And I started to cry
And I wanted to fly but I am lost
Look around the battleground all is quite not a sound run away in disgust
why is death always a must?
stop and turn for one last look
how I tremble and I shook hand comes down to comfort me who can this person be?
And I wounder why?
And I started to cry
And I wanted to fly and now I am found
Spin to see another face looks to be from a far off place
I don't know if me he'll kill what can be this man's will? he takes me to a peaceful land for across the burning sand now with joy my heart is full
And I wounder why?
And I no longer cry
And I can now fly with my new wings
The Rose
A rose is full of bloom is such a wonderful sight.
It comes in many colors and they're all so very bight.
Its petals will sparkle as they're wet with the rain or morning dew.
And it looks so full of life as the sun slowly peeks through.
It fragrance is like no other scent that anyone has smelled before.
It's sweeter than any expensive perfume and to many is so much more.
It symbolizes love on a special occasions like Valentine's Day.
And sometimes it is given to help ease some one's pain away.
From flower shop to people's yards.
It can be found in many places.
Time and time again it brings smile to many faces.
Not the daisy, not the iris, not even the sunflower that grows.
Could compare to the radiant beauty and the sweet scent of rose.
It comes in many colors and they're all so very bight.
Its petals will sparkle as they're wet with the rain or morning dew.
And it looks so full of life as the sun slowly peeks through.
It fragrance is like no other scent that anyone has smelled before.
It's sweeter than any expensive perfume and to many is so much more.
It symbolizes love on a special occasions like Valentine's Day.
And sometimes it is given to help ease some one's pain away.
From flower shop to people's yards.
It can be found in many places.
Time and time again it brings smile to many faces.
Not the daisy, not the iris, not even the sunflower that grows.
Could compare to the radiant beauty and the sweet scent of rose.
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