Killing The Inside

Of the third round,
When I received phone call,
I knew the sound of the tone of the man's voice
My insists told me,
To let go of the past I should apologize
what has happened
When I had hung up the phone,
I never heard from him again,
I cried I cried I cried
My mind just started becoming blank froze,
I thought of the past
What will I ever do I prayed to God, I prayed,
he will not forgive for my appectance
I forgiven my past long ago
I never remembered the last time
I had a serious laugh
I smiled thought my pain
I smiled of a face of a liar
I smiled because it showed joy of happiness
I smiled because I didn't want other's to know how I felt
All of these years I have hidden my pain,
hunger for love
Now I have nothing to give
I have no high expectation
for what is worth, of being existence to other people
I know I'm invisible,
I'm exhaust from dealing with my problems, and making things right for me,
I have come to terms that all is left is feeling guilt, and Nausea
Yesterday, I couldn't get out of the house. It had snowed 3 inches,
I had no way out of the house, which I can not drive.
You see, I'm stuck
Inside of a dark girl's body
I can't control
As I lay down and cry
I can't lift myself up again
I'm exhaust of life, in process
No One see what I can see
this just may
Never fade
Unless just give me more drugs which will just kill the person who is actual inside of me,
You kill my insist
You kill my true self
You kill who I truly am
Why would anyone want to kill the person who they really are
No magic pill is going to stop me
No you can't stop of who the real person which is inside of me
Now you must learn who you truly are,
Listen!!! To your soul
Listen! To your Heart,